your basic run-of-the-mill diary, its here, its queer, would you like a cookie?
Sunday, January 10, 2010
damzelling in destress
at the moment i feel out of this world, like a weird form of drug. im stressed, anxious and my eyes are throbbing to look at the glare of the day. my body clock is now making me sleep through the day and stay awake all night, my heart is feeling it and typing this is a bit of an eyesore.
i made a big mistake yesterday and i dont think i was fully aware of what i was doing. it may have been a form of day sleep walking, i dont know, but i woke up later that night to find that i have signed a contract with a new energy company without any one of my housemates consent. i thought the whole situation was a dream. i got up and went downstairs with this feeling kinda like if my guts have dropped inside. the guy was at the door trying to sell something. i remember sitting down and taking a call and repeating so many numbers just trying to get him to go away. the need for him to leave was so strong. i soon went back to bed. later that night at 9pm (the incident happened around 3pm) i felt strange, as one does sleeping from 12pm and through the day. i saw the paper on the table with the contract. immediately i felt so dissapointed in myself just for the fact that i didnt and wasnt aware enough to talk to housemates and i started to stress big time. this is possibly the most wierd thing i have done during sleep. if you go to my "paranormal coincidence" blog, you will understand. ive done some whack things while asleep.
where does this leave me now? one word, distressed. helplessness is something im falling into as a pattern of habbit. am i always so vulnurable now and is the vulnurability heightened by the fact that my mind is dealing with this anniversary. i was holding out for the hero, i got that hero but now he is no more. how can i possibly run a kingdom without my protector. metaphor metaphor metaphor