am i bluffin with my muffin? wish me luck

some thoughts here.

the first is about bluffing with my muffin. i dont have a vagina but i think i got myself into a bit of a sticky situation. james is the name of a guy i have mentioned when talking about a man i cant decipher. i think i might have mislead him somehow. he was, in this situation, my rebound. i will explain...

a few months after Abraham died i started to get a little stalker, james. the way he stalked me is through following my facebook comments to friends about going to gym to pump and combat classess. he then came to these classes and stood behind me. i did notice a new person in combat class and was kinda disturbed by the fact that a lanky first timer was standing behind me doing roundhouse kicks far too close to me. i didnt even know who he was at this point.

at university, there is a social/political group called allsorts that represents the lgbtiq community in the uni. i am a part of this group (loosely) and i turned up to one of the meetings. james was at this meeting and he was there for most of them and this is where all of his friends are. i dont have many friends in that group and still havnt managed to partly because of him.

so, now i know him. i start to ask him stuff and he blurted out that he followed me to the gym, he just admitted it. i was kinda into the fact that i had my own little stalker because, lets face it, i dont get much male attention at all. he turned up to other classes and again stood behind me. i told him i would go on a date with him just to suffice his need. actually, kinda two dates. the first was watching xmen, the wolverine one. he was deffinetly not in a condition to date and he looked miserable having come from a busy work day being a paramedic. he also forgot his glasses so him driving us through a highway was another bad idea. it was a horrible date, just horrible. it was quite litterally the first date i have had that was ridiculous and didnt encourage me at all in confidence. i left that date feeling confused. he is also a vegetarian and i accidently asked him if he wanted to go fishing.

the second date was something i might want to forget too. i invited him over to my house and cooked dinner and we watched movies. i was getting blasted off of all the liquor i had and the stuff he bought over. i had to otherwise i wouldnt have handled the night so well. we watched amityville horror and pinochio. we didnt actually watch pinochio even though it was on. i ended up making out with him for about 2 hours. we then slept (literally sleeping) together. he wanted to curl into me while we slept and it made me kind of uncomfortable. the fact is, i came out of an epic relationship and he is the one needing to be held??? plus, he is lanky and bigger than me therefore it felt awkward. we woke up, kissed more, and he left. i was left looking mauled with a lot of hickeys.

after all of this and so many times he has just stopped all communication and then he started to talk again i felt so confused and i didnt want him one bit, not after our messed date #1 and the second where i felt no spark and am afraid i didnt even get a hardon. ABSOLUTELY NO SPARK. i started to feel desperate and felt, and still feel, as though he was a rebound. i dont feel anything for him. we have absolutely nothing in common and i cant speak to him without him arguing with me. recently he came to the gym again when i said i was going to. he went on every piece of equip i did and came to my class. im so confused.

did the fact that i went on dates and kissed him means he is linked to me like this? will he just never stop with his on/off stalkerish persona? will he leave me alone?

damn my muffin.

the wish me luck is about the fact that i am going home on friday and wont have internet access for almost two weeks, well, not good enough time to write a blog anyway. i am going home to family, and, if you read my blogs, you know how i feel about family. luck me to death my two or three casual readers.