silent side

ok so i had a random thought towards my own personality, i feel that within my best friend trio i am deff the most quiet. i get along with people ok but my two friends are girls and they are quite different from me and tend to get better responses from people when becoming friends. i mean, they make friends better than i do all the time and it doesnt make me bitter but i just notice it.

i suppose (and im not crying abt prejudice) that it has been a part of being gay, on several levels. back at home i would never be able to make friends like my now best friends do, it wasnt encouraged bc im a boy, that is, to be comforting in ways like hugs or being affectionate to people full stop. i cant really hug people and i cant seem to actually make close friends bc of little things like this and it is also about how that has affected my body language and so on (a chain of events). this closed area of my personality isnt completely lost mind you, i still manage to be affectionate to people i know are welcoming of it, i just cant understand who else out there i can do it to. im worried about boundaries, i am worried about getting myself into a place where i can be physically hurt. i dont wnt to make the wrong mistake and be affectionate towards a guy who beats me up after telling me hes straight. im just so worried all the time.

i suppose i am protecting myself to some extent but im not getting better at making friends no matter what the sexuality unless one person decides that they like, include me and text me once in a while. my poor phone is lonely.   

on a side note i took my best friend (who it is no issue to hug) to the airport in sydney to send her off to the UK, my little jayne is going to come bck full of british foods and look like a plump bridget jones. we do this ritual that when we are at the airport, we must spray and check out all of the perfumes (tester bottles) of the big expensive brand names, now i smell like EVERYTHING!

here, have this song my friend. its actually "when your body is talking"


cassie when your body talking

ciara

MySpace Video