Monday, November 30, 2009

washing my hands of a toxic situation.

ok, this post is another small vent and also a question to my small number of readers who manage to look at my blog. advice is more than welcome.

my friend, bren, is currently dealing with a boy who is infatuated with her. this is generally no issue to me as that is what she is like, femme fatal all the way. but this one, its unhealthy. she is giving out the wrong message no matter how she is dealing with him and no matter what she does she goes about it in a very unhealthy way. her personality and logic are all wrong in this scenario. she says about the infatuation: "hes just a boy, i dont want to hurt him and still be his friend. i wont cheat on my boyfriend and i am never going to leave my boyfriend, but i want to let him down easy" now it might sound reasonable but what i saw the other night alters the meaning of her words.

by letting him down easy she merely means to not do much about it at all. the evidence is that, on wednesday night, she allowed him to take advantage of her submissive nature and that allowed him to sexually harass her. at that point a girl should be resisting but her "nature" says otherwise. she allows it. she knows that it feeds him and still doesnt do anything logical to stop it, yet, relies on those around her to deal. i dont particularly like seeing my best friend being sexually harassed but apparently she doesnt mind...

im not going to be drawn into taking care of her men problems bc that just gets me involved with straights in a level in which shouldnt exist in the first place, her fucking boyfriend should be the one to take care of this stalker, right??? im not going to get involved in the toxic straight games because that just diverts me from what is available out there, meaning MY BIG GAY MAN WHO I WILL LOVE FOREVER : )



  1. It sounds to me like she loves the attention. It is only sexual harrassment if she is being harrassed, and she seems to thrive on his attention. If she really wanted him to stop, she would make him stop, or complain to the right people. I am not saying she wants to get with him, but I think she likes feeling liked and so will keep on letting him think there is a chance while he lavishes attention on her. Next time she moans, tell her if it really bothered her she would do something about it if she meant it, and that you dont want to get involved


  2. I guess my advise is to listen closely to what your instinct is telling you...don't get drawn into taking care of...

    If drama is what she craves, then nothing you say is going to change her situation. Only she can change it. Tell her you care about her, but can't keep hearing about a problem she's not willing to fix.

    Focus your energy on yourself. Perhaps you need to remind your friend that you are still struggling to get through life without your man, something you had no control over. Ask her to remember your situation when she complains about a situation she does have control of.