hmm, a fun topic. this is a blog i posted for facebook friends. what is the message you take?
lets start of with something quite amusing, nothing to do with the blog but lets say its the calm before the storm.
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
now for the shit part... STOP GIGGLING!
what i wanted to communicate in this blog is that i am dealing with something that you are most likely not. i use the term "you" because i am not talking to any one person.
a lot of people think they have facts about me through the bits and pieces of information that are a result of grief chiselled into facebook, a trail that has impressed some kind of picture of me in your head. truth is, i have changed and thats a given however facecbook isnt a great source for solid information on the ways in which things have changed. i see facebook as a bi-product of information gathering seeing as it is definitely once, even twice, removed from physical reality. not so say it isnt good for communication, its great, but it doesnt detail some realities.
notice how my posts have decreased less in emotion though blog and stat form? well, the reason is simply that people piece these "facts" as solid pieces of information and prob only know me through it seeing as i dont actually have around 200 close friends that i talk to on a regular basis. it is a relief to come to my own realisation to stop doing it and it has deff decreased the amount of grief imposed onto my already sticky situation. kick a bum while he is down, you get the analogy. also, i think that i prefer not to talk up a storm is bc i have been conditioned to do so. it is the burden of being male or even the complex system of events in life which have dictated that it is not as freely accepted that i would be depressed or cry or heaven forbid, do it publicly. this is why there are recent campaigns for depression hotlines and mental health facilities to get men to call, participate and seek any form of assistance. men simply get the short end of the stick in expressing emotions. fucking society in general.
btw, the blog and stuff still exist and still deals with the topic of grief but i barely trust anyone with this information, and, thanks to facebook, i would prefer to discuss with people actually going through the ebb and flow of things occuring in this particular form of grief.
i hate when people are offended bc they arent the ones tht i would confide in but keep in mind, you have no idea what occurs in the grieving processes of a deceased partner. if you do, then im sure we can discuss the monthly progressions and digression in all of its eventfull/lessness. are there any "special" bereavement groups around? that would be the best thing you could communicate which doesnt breach a barrier of preeching your life philosophies when you havnt been (and overcame) this particular grief.
dont consider this blog as a passive bitch towards any one of you. if that is what you take from this blog then consider it a relatively selfish response. maybe you would like to whip up any form of drama from this? this is my space.
Lemony Spaghetti with Peas and Ricotta
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