Monday, October 19, 2009

the situ

i wanted all to know this about me instead of me shocking them when it comes time to tell them why my life is turbulent at best, why my attitude is blunt and bitter, understand this is a serious and brutal reality for me. so here it goes.

my boyfriend/hubbyman/bestfriend/soulmate and bashert has died

Abraham Allan Weis (june 6th 1988-january 18th 2009)

without any hessitation i would tell you this man was the love of my life, a car crash took him away from me. i will not tell you details. but one haunting and beautiful fact is during his passing, my name was the last he had screamed, he wanted me there, he wanted to live for me. understand that we have had this relationship over 10 months and it felt like i was set in life, that i had found the one for me. i was to go over to the USA to live with him for a while.

our goals and aspirations were crushed because of his passing, i have lost a significant part of my life and i feel numb and emotionally destroyed. sure i have a smile, but i smile because he wanted me to smile. my biggest supporter was Abraham. he would work himself to the bone for me, to buy that ticket to meet me in sydney late may this year. our first date was set in concrete, we were going to the pcd consert in sydney, the extra ticket now stands a testimant to what i cant have.

we were even going to wear blue and yellow in meeting at the airport (an idea he wanted to filfil of mine). cute huh. things like this are small gestures that clarify his love for me. we should have been the sickly in love type of couple, never afraid of our intimacy. what we have shared as a couple is beyond my expectations in what it is to be in a relationship. i could not believe the man i had, i worshiped him for all he is and i just wanted to take care of him for the rest of his life.... and i did, a short lived life, but i am pleased to have dedicated myself to him. i would move continents to be his and to just rest my hand on his chest in the midst of sleep to let him know he wasnt alone.
so please, do not make me repeat and re-live or re-tell this in a social situation
i have had all that could be said to me, said.
i know how to be strong, i have had a rough life, so dont underestimate me. i can cope.
i will cry and mourn for the rest of my life, understand that as a fact.

this song was the last anniversary message i ever got, our 10th

god i miss you

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