today i woke at 6.35. if you know me it doesnt happen so often as i wake normally at 3pm (thats the average). last night i took two glorious pills that made me unwind, and yes, they are prescribed. this morning is not just a rare waking moment, it means so much more.
i have had a very unhealthy sleeping pattern for years now and it has been the worry of a lot of people around me. everybody has their quirk, mine is that i can last through the early hours easier than most and without a redbull. the history of why my sleeping is so terrible is actually a personal thing only reserved for the people i want to confide in. everyone is entitled to their secrets. my character is defined by the permanent smear of darkness in the creves between my eye and nose running under my eyelid dotted with age. if those could tell a story...
today, waking up early is somewhat a signifier of more than just a good nights rest. it is a positive outlook in that i can recover from the past and the nightly unrest. if i physically and emotionally choose to resume a normal sleeping pattern i know that with determination i would no longer have a zombie like disposition throughout the day. i could live in the daylight and reduce the stress on my mind and body. to adjust is to change my lifestyle. imagine if i were more aware of things around me and the clarity it could bring. i might even reach some better uni marks and have a small margin of achievenment moreso than i already have, hopefully 10% more lol.
alas, the emotional life is a hard and evil diversion to my slumber. if i werent so continually stressed in this life i would no longer say good morning at 3.30pm.
p.s. if ur reading all the notes and wonder where the fuck i pull all the writing from, it is not really uncommon for me, i have something like 47 blogs in myspace.
i will leave you with something totally unrelated to this blog, but cute none the less.