Sunday, May 16, 2010


right off the mark im going to say, mainly, to myself, that i am not a person to need or want love lately. i know a secret about why this is so. its because i am becoming less responsive to other people, feeling that i am no longer out there for anything and anyone. i dont bother with men anymore, in fact, no human desire to love. uncovering a more asexual being without the prospect of a relationship without sex. i am in fact on the scene and i go out in my makeup and just sit alone. i dress to what i deem appropriate for a club and i go and sit. i sometimes look around but there is a television to watch so im good.

eagle hurt me in profound way, how much longer can someone suffer till their mind retrieves into itself and resides there for a very long time? the legend of michael myers worked it out just fine. forbid touch, deny pleasure, dont expect anything and go into a hollow mind and decorate it how you want it to be. chose to shower every 4th day and dont worry about the 7x a week take out because it is your body and mind and your own escape. go there as much as you want and as you need. listen to your own brand of music and dont follow those gay groups who act a certain way.

i love my fucking hair. i love my fierce makeup. i love my music. i dont love men anymore.


  1. Getting hurt is the worst, especially when the hurt comes from someone you trust and or love, but closing yourself off isnt a healthy way to deal with it. Everyone responds differently, but character is built by how you cope and come through it. Biting the bullet and moving on without being closed down will help to build your inner strength. You have a lot more strength than even you know and things wil get better, you will see :D


  2. Hi Andrew. I too worry that you will close off opportunities to love and be loved. Maybe focus on friendships for awhile. Find men that you can enjoy without the expectation of a serious relationship right away.

    There are good men out there. Some of us are right her writing to you! LOL

    Be yourself. Be open to those that find you interesting. And fuck the rest. Well, don't fuck them, just let them bring you down.

  3. I mean, don't let them bring you down.!