an all time new low

ok. i havnt written down anything about myself for more than a month. that is because i have spiralled into self destroying depression and this is the peak of it. last night i played with makeup like i do all the time, though this time i thought why waste it? i went out to the gay bar.

i went alone. i got horribly trashed on everything and ended up leaving with strangers, drinking in the nearby park. this is not what i do. i threw a lindsay lohan and i regret it all. the reason i did it? eagle. eagle rejected me. i put myself out and felt so vulnurable and his response was lukewarm. he told me to be productive whatever that means. i took it to mean i am not going to get anywhere with him.

i am getting shades darker and am in too deep. my hair changed. all of the 2 yrs of abraham were like the length of my hair. i cried bc my hair held some memories, its silly to say, but its true. life is so overwhelming sometimes.

my hair and a vacant stare... what an emo lol